15 Seconds

It's one of those days where you can fry an egg on a rock. In fact, if I think hard enough I can already hear the sizzling. They've recently laid asphalt on this stretch of road and my converse sink slightly into the overheated ground. It's spongy. I feel the sweat sliding down my chest. I would say sliding between my cleavage but I'm not exactly a cleavage kind of girl. I take one step after another staring at the hole in my left shoe. If I look up all I will see is the horizon shimmering out in front of me and I want no reminder of how far from home I still am. I look anyway, I'm approaching an intersection.

Two weeks ago Lynn came to visit. The heat had recently become insufferable and we sat out on the porch drinking PBR I'd snuck from my dad's stash. We waited for a breeze and I watched the fine hairs curl on Lynn's neck while she told me about the dream she'd had. She had been standing on a corner waiting for the light to change, but when the crosswalk sign told her to go she couldn't move. She stood at that corner and watched the crosswalk count down and in slow motion - for every second counted down- she saw flashes of her life go by. Her father swinging her over his head laughing, her mother braiding her long brown hair in the bathroom, winning the third grade spelling bee, her brother leaving for the army. She woke up before the countdown finished.

I think of this as I approach the corner. My head pounds from the heat and I think it might be fun to see if I can make my life pass before my eyes on a street corner. I hear the hum of a diesel engine slow down and come to a rest beside me as the light changes color.

15. Lynn smiling as she finishes her story. 14. The profile of her nose as she stares into the distance. 13. The line of her jaw as she tilts her head to swallow the beer. 12. My fingers reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. 11. Her eyes - curious, questioning. 10. Her face so much closer, right in front of me. 9. The freckles that crisscross her nose. 8. The shape of her lips- thin and chapped from the heat. 7. The back of my eyelids as I lean in and kiss her. 6. The stiff set of her jaw. 5. The hesitation and confusion in her eyes. 4. Shaking her head while refusing my gaze. 3. The clench of her hand around the beer. 2. The screen door slamming. 1. Staring at the hole in my converse through hot tears.

I don't wake up from a dream. The diesel rumbles off into the distance. I wait for the light to change.